How to Make a "Wee"

How to Make a "Wee"

Every so often when I was a child my parents loaded up the old dark green Chrysler Custom Newport with a couple of suitcases and perched me on the front seat between them. I was allowed one barbie doll, a package of baby wipes and my metal Dukes of Hazzard lunch box which held the only things I would eat at the age of five; a mustard sandwich and a warm thermos full of Campbell's chicken noodle soup. The destination was always the same, Oakland, Maryland by way of Elk Garden, West Virginia. My father would visit his brother, who ran the old family farm and my mother would drive the giant piece of nineteen seventy-three machinery with me the rest of the way to the western Maryland panhandle.

Occasionally on these trips I would get car sick. My father was a "jerky" driver according to my Uncle Pete, plus I was quite small, making it difficult for me to see out of the window (remember, this was the seventies when car seats were only optional). However, no matter the depth of motion sickness I felt, there were many times when I would beg my father to make a "wee." True, most parents are usually the ones who beg children being potty trained to make a "wee," but the "wee" I wanted was the type that made a me feel as if my stomach was going to come out of my mouth and land in the front seat of the car.

The best way to feel a "wee" was to sit on the hump (in those cars, there was a piece that you could pull down in the seat directly across from the radio and heater - I think it was designed for a child) between the passenger and driver.  This was my throne. Yes, I am still alive despite the reckless abandoned manner in which my parents transported me on a regular basis. On a particularly hilly stretch of road between Winchester and Paris, Virginia the "wees" started.  "Make a wee Daddy!" I would say and he would step on the accelerator as we approached the small hill.  What goes up, must come down but the laws of inertia dictate that an object at rest tends to stay at rest.  In my stomach's case, it wanted to stay at rest while the car made it back down the hill - hence the "wee."